Conversation with a Schaumburg librarian

Thought: I’m so excited to get a library card!  I have a list of about 20 books I want to read about moving to France!

Me: Hi, I’d like to get a library card.

Her: Go ahead and have a seat.  What’s your address in Schaumburg?

Thought: Hey, this is gonna be easy!

Me: *address*

Her: Okay, now I just need two forms of ID with that address on it.

Thought: How can I explain my transience in the simplest possible way…

Me: Well here’s the thing, I just moved here from Normal and I’m only living here until September.  So I don’t have any IDs with my Schaumburg address, but I do have two cancelled pieces of mail addressed to it.

Her: These are personal mail.  They won’t work.

Thought: Isn’t all mail personal?

Me: Umm… what kind of mail do you want?

Her: A utility bill or apartment lease.

Me: I don’t have that.  I live with my family here.

Her: You didn’t get them forwarded from your Normal address?

Thought: Is that really so hard to believe?

Me: No, my permanent address is in Illinois City so I forwarded all my mail there.

Her: Do you have a library card from Illinois City?

Thought: You’re funny.  You think a place called Illinois City has a library?  We don’t even have a gas station.

Me: There isn’t a library in Illinois City.  I have library cards from Muscatine, IA and Normal, IL.

Her: Do you have an ID with either of those addresses?

Me: No, I don’t.

Her: Well then I’m afraid I can’t help you.

Thought: Really, lady?  Work with me here!

Me: My family has library cards.  Can I use one of theirs?

Her: No.  Our library cards have photos on them.

Thought: WHAT??  What is this, Fort Knox?

Me: So you’re telling me I live in Schaumburg, I can prove it, and there is no way I can check out books here?

Her: Right.

Thought: I’ll come back later when a guy my age is working and see what he can do for me.

Me: Bye.

Categories: Funny experiences | Tags: , , , | 8 Comments

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8 thoughts on “Conversation with a Schaumburg librarian

  1. Gma Marian

    Take Brianna with you!!
    You can surely outguess a Schaumberg librarian.


  2. Aunt My

    Reading is fundamental.

  3. Dad

    Don’t get arrested.

  4. Kaye

    That librarian is probably training for voter registration in November.

  5. go back with your family and pretend you’re 12. it will TOTALLY WORK.

  6. Aunt Con

    A guy your age may only require your phone number and a glass of French wine.

  7. Afton

    Just had a thought- maybe you can show her your diploma, proving you have a degree in English Education, and therefore are WORTHY of checking out a book!

  8. Afton

    You truly are my sister. I love you.

    Kept laughing as I read this post. We don’t even have a stoplight! Or a high school! Or any sort of restaurant/cafe!

    Good luck with the guy your age. I’m sure you can pull that one off. If not, maybe you can pass for Brianna. 🙂

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