Thought: I’m so excited to get a library card! I have a list of about 20 books I want to read about moving to France!
Me: Hi, I’d like to get a library card.
Her: Go ahead and have a seat. What’s your address in Schaumburg?
Thought: Hey, this is gonna be easy!
Her: Okay, now I just need two forms of ID with that address on it.
Thought: How can I explain my transience in the simplest possible way…
Me: Well here’s the thing, I just moved here from Normal and I’m only living here until September. So I don’t have any IDs with my Schaumburg address, but I do have two cancelled pieces of mail addressed to it.
Her: These are personal mail. They won’t work.
Thought: Isn’t all mail personal?
Me: Umm… what kind of mail do you want?
Her: A utility bill or apartment lease.
Me: I don’t have that. I live with my family here.
Her: You didn’t get them forwarded from your Normal address?
Thought: Is that really so hard to believe?
Me: No, my permanent address is in Illinois City so I forwarded all my mail there.
Her: Do you have a library card from Illinois City?
Thought: You’re funny. You think a place called Illinois City has a library? We don’t even have a gas station.
Me: There isn’t a library in Illinois City. I have library cards from Muscatine, IA and Normal, IL.
Her: Do you have an ID with either of those addresses?
Me: No, I don’t.
Her: Well then I’m afraid I can’t help you.
Thought: Really, lady? Work with me here!
Me: My family has library cards. Can I use one of theirs?
Her: No. Our library cards have photos on them.
Thought: WHAT?? What is this, Fort Knox?
Me: So you’re telling me I live in Schaumburg, I can prove it, and there is no way I can check out books here?
Thought: I’ll come back later when a guy my age is working and see what he can do for me.